What a horrible holiday season--The first sign that things were going to be bad was some fool inviting himself here to "visit" (later he admitted he expected me to marry him, or some other kind of nonsense. ) Hey, idiot, just because you have harbored some wierd obsession for 35 years doesn't make you any more appealing -- you are disgusting.
When you tell people you are divorced, the assholes come out of the woodwork. They think they can take advantage of a vulnerable, needy woman. It's very unpleasant.
Then I ended up getting very sick and very depressed and went to the hospital--turned out I had aspirin poisoning (from chronic pain, but that's a nightmare for another day) and the doctor was kind of shocked at my thyroid numbers--a low thyroid can cause dementia, and aspiringcan cause hallucinations. It was just--par for the course. Then, in the hospital, (remember what I said about the assholes?) this older student nurse began to follow me around, and she held forth about things she really didn't know anything about, like books-- she would sidle up to me every time she visited the unit. She was kind of butch, but it wasn't till I got home that I realized she'd been putting the moves on me. YECH!!! GROSS!!!Besides which I despise any sexual predator who tries to take advantage of their position to go after--my God--patients. . So it's been a jolly time, really fun. One by one these little episodes are almost tolerable, and certainly comical--I can take care of them. But when they add up, and are especially nasty, it makes me very weary and very angry and very frustrated. Because I would really like to kick these people in the ass all around the block. I don't know what bothers me most--that they harbor the illusion they are attractive (they're not) or that they think they are the least bit intersting, witty, or engaging when they try to engage me in a conversation. They aren't. They are maladjusted, emotionally crippled, narcissitic lechers who are sadistic enough to try to push around people who could never be the least bit interested in them, other than as an example of self-centered emotional regresson (to abut age 4).
Oh yeah, the Slobbering Drunken Nurse texted some incoherent message about being "scapegoated" and it went to everyone on my phone list, including a nun and my spiritual director, Father Bill, and, yeah, my therapist. Way to make a total ass of yourself in public, stupid.
Now, though, I have been treated for the metabolic mess I was in and I actually feel pretty much ok. The only residual feelings are hatred for most people in the "caring" professions for their arrogance and stupidity. Anyway, at least I don't have to go to work in pajamas.
Geez Tina, really horrible! When you emerge from the silences you are effervescent but it's got to be wearing thin. Keep it all behind you. Please hang in there - glad you're back.
Posted by: Andrea | Monday, January 10, 2011 at 10:15 AM
GOOD HEAVENS! That's horrible, Tina, all of it! Thank God they at least got the medical stuff straight for you.
I just contracted pneumonia--started feeling punky last weekend and went down for the count yesterday. Fortunately, I'm being treated at home, and Annie gets to wear the nurse costume for a change. It could be a lot worse, and I'm actually watching TV during my convalescence. We signed up for cable in order to watch the BCS bowl games and ACC basketball through March Madness. I'm cheating and watching as many episodes of "Criminal Intent" as I can find.
I really have to get you and Annie together. You two would have some great stories to share!
Cheers!
Posted by: Dennis | Tuesday, January 11, 2011 at 05:17 PM